Tears on Friday the 13th


Dear Lord,

You know how many times I failed and how I want this so bad. I even lost weight because of crying. I cried at night when everyone is asleep. And it hurts. It so damn hurts. I smiled and tried my best not crying in front of my mother and my brother and I succeeded.

However, I can’t hide my tears from you and you know I’m so weak at this moment. I sought for comfort to help me carry this burden but what I found is people telling me that flying is not my way. My friend even said that, “Maybe God doesn’t want you to fly.”

I don’t blame him for saying those words but what I need right now is comforting words, telling me that I’m not a loser, telling me that it’s gonna be okay, telling me that I will fly one day with a very big smile on my face.

I shared my feeling and he torn my heart into pieces in this very failed day. How come he even said that, “maybe You, Lord, doesn’t want me to fly”? And if it is so, why did I get the invitation?

Well, if I want to look at the bright side, I’m thankful that I was invited to the interview. Thousands are not as lucky as I am. And I lost weight because of this. Maybe I’ll lose more kilos because of crying a lot. But I can’t really look at the bright side now, I don’t even know what to do.

My dearest Lord, I feel like a dog right now. A stupid dog standing near his master’s feet. I don’t understand a single word You’re trying to tell me. Nor do I get the signs of what You want me to do, what I’m supposed to do.

Please help me carry on and let this burden fade away. I know I am nothing now and people make fun of me and my dreams. Yet I beg for You to stay with me because I can’t do this alone, dear God. People say that there is a thin line between trying harder and stop trying. And they told me to try the second one. But I keep asking that if flying is not my way, then why did I get the invitation, oh God?

Yet if it is, if dreams do come true, then help me overcome this sadness and get up again. Make me strong and courageous. Show me the way to make it real. Make me a living proof that there’s nothing impossible in this life. I have promised myself that I will stop trying if I fail for the 10th time. I don’t know what would the airlines be, yet I will try once again. If I fail, then my friend is right and flying is really not my way.

Thank you for everything You have given me today. I learned new life lessons and they make me stronger.


9 responses »

  1. hai intaan…
    aku wannabe juga kok..dr forum pramugari..
    what im trying to say is…smangaat yaa intan..gw baru baca artikel ini http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wright_bersaudara
    trnyata wright bersaudara smpai uji coba psawatnya 1000 kali smp akhrnya bs terbang…kamu juga yaa jangan nyeraaah..coba teruus..blom prnah nyoba air asia kaan??katanya mereka butuh yg englishnya bagus..english km bagus kooo..hehehe..smangaat yaa intaan…keep praying and do the best…

    • Hai indiet, makasih ya say buat dukungannya… Aku ga nyangka nih ternyata pembaca forum mampir ke personal blogku juga, jadi malu…

      Air Asia terus terang aku ga bisa ikutan soalnya waktu terakhir kali ada walk in interviewnya di Crowne, aku taunya dadakan (sehari sebelumnya) jadi ga dapet ijin dari kantor. Hehehe, mungkin belum rejeki kali ya, ga apa-apa sih nanti kalo ada lagi aku mau coba…

      Anyway, semoga kamu juga bisa jadi flight attendant ya say… Amin…

  2. Intan..

    please, dont stop believing..

    I know a person (friend of my friend) that failed for Singapore Airlines for 8 times. but she keeps trying. Finally, she made at the ninth time.

    Dont stop trying.. God with you.. Semangat!

    • Doni, thanks a lot for encouraging me. Temanmu pasti senang banget yah kerja di SQ πŸ™‚

      Makasih ya udah mampir ke blog ini dan udah dukung aku. Semoga kamu juga bisa jadi flight attendant/whatever you wanna be… Amin…

  3. Dear intan πŸ™‚

    I have been a biggest fan of your blog and post in Forum Pramugari. being a FA is been my dream since i cant remember when. i am not pretty, not tall, i dont have very sufficient/ very high proficiency in english, i have many scars and blemishes, and i dont have the confidence to even apply for FA in any airlines. finally i applied in Garuda and failed coz my height is not enough. i was very disappointed and i tell myself to never apply again and let it only be my dream.. but then all of my friends supported me to apply in CX and thanks to you and all of bloggers, i made it to medical, *maybe because of my passion in service, not sure why i passed (seriously)*. i know im not fully accepted yet, but im grateful i had this chance and felt the experience. all im saying is, you have way more talents and gifts than me and others, so dont let those people let you down and make you throw ur dream right out of the window. pleaseee, keep the faith. keep the dream, and keep trying. be sad, cry, wonder, but dont loose hope. we all are fully supporting you here, i believe. we dont know each other but i do care and i look forward to hear great news from you!! take care.

    • Dear Ella, thanks a lot for your support.. I actually don’t expect that many forum readers will stop by to read my posts and it’s both a bit embarrassing and relieving to know that there are people supporting me somewhere out there..

      I wish you the best of luck for your medical result and may God makes you accepted to CX :)GBU

  4. Dearest Intan,

    I did ask you a few times about your interview with CX on Forum Pramugari, I didn’t get any replies and well I haven’t seen you there for a while. I totally get it, it sucks badly! I tried for SQ and Ella, who wrote up there..she’s my friend, I met her during the interview for SQ. She would vouch on how miserable I was when they kicked me out even before I did anything other than the height and weight measurement! I wasn’t given a chance to prove myself Intan 😦 I put on a strong face in front of Ella and other girls I met at the SQ interview and when I was finally alone in my room, I cried my heart out. I had to fly all the way from KL to Surabaya, the flight and accommodation cost :((

    I was put off by SQ, honestly speaking. I was crushed, but then CX came along and I thought, okay, let’s give it one more try. I found the CX on the very last day of application, I quickly whipped up a cv and sent everything to them and thankfully I got an interview. I felt good about CX this time around, it’s like God’s way of telling me that ‘Okay, you’re ready this time’..surely, I made it to medical check up and is waiting for CX to hopefully give me a good news within this month.

    What I’m saying Intan, I can relate to how you feel. I want to fly SO BADLY, before I went for the SQ interview my mind and soul wasn’t completely sure that it was my time, there were doubts…and surely I didn’t make it. So far, it’s been a hard journey for me, lots of bumps on the road. Before CX, I had my doubts again, but I prayed hard to God, Mother Mary and Jesus. Then finally it was like God was communicating to me indirectly, He gave me a peace of mind on the day of interview, it passed like a breeze. So Intan, God knows that you want to fly badly, but He thinks that you’re not ready. I lived by these few words, maybe it may help you.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

    I hold on to this particular verse dearly Intan, He got me through many things in life, many failures, many postponed plans. And I have came up with this myself, “If you ask Him, if you believe in Him and you put all your worries upon His feet, He will not fail you.”

    I am not the most religious person lately, He touched me dearly last year (november & december) and I had my full faith but over the time, failures got the better of me. Since January, my life’s been a non-stop rollercoaster, basically everything went downhill. I’ve forgotten His kindness Intan 😦 so it may be a little pathetic to even use His words to console you, but I don’t know how else. He’s the best medicine to mend your broken heart.

    I on the other hand, I truly apologize for questioning Him for the past 6 months and would like to restart my faith in Him. And you, beautiful Intan, He’s got something in store for you, ask and you shall receive? Remember, you’re not the only one. I was in your position once and God gave me another chance, maybe you’ll get something better in the near future! πŸ™‚ I do hope that you are feeling much better.

    Lots of love,
    Emma xx

    • Dear Emma, I actually lose my words now.. I am speechless, I don’t know what to say….

      Thanks for the encouraging words, they mean a lot to me… If you’d like to talk to me personally or share anything that is on your mind or hear my stories, I’d like to chat with you via YM or FB or Twitter. You can click the button on the sidebar. Thanks a lot.

      God bless you, Emma… I really hope that you get in to CX…

  5. Pingback: Same Script, Different Case « kimchi.deeβ„’

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